Day 84: March 25, 2014

Thankfulness for The Willpower To Just Get To Where I Am Supposed To Be Today

Today is the start of my 5th round of chemo. After this, only 7 more to go.

ONLY? Today, that doesn’t see like a positive thing in my own head.

I rarely share the negative things about my journey, but if I’m being honest, the day before and the day of chemo are probably the worst. The anxiety I have over the expectation and dread of knowing how shitty I’m going to feel over the next several days is indescribable and I cannot shake it. After feeling SO good for 5 days, it sometimes takes every ounce of my being to get up, get dressed and willingly drive over to that office to bring about the crappy days this week. I have to shake the depression that is knocking on my front door with every ounce of my being.

I am thankful that the ladies and gents there are so positive and attentive, and that the chemo chairs are so comfy. If I was walking into a sterile hospital room with no one to chat with, laugh with and share with, I would probably just throw in the towel.

It’s how I feel. I thank you for letting me share my journey with you. It’s times like these where faking it til I make it become tougher and tougher as I progress through my treatments. I don’t express this to my kids, because they already worry when they should not have to deal with something so monstrously worrisome. Keep me in your thoughts today, and send me some tear-jerky, pee in my pants funny stuff, okay? I can use all the help I can get.

Also, I need a ride from chemo to my house today. It’s difficult to know the exact timing of when I get done, so if your schedule is somewhat flexible between 2 and 4 today, let me know. My cousins Emily Strabala and Katie Strabala are coming over this evening to hang with me, cook dinner and mindlessly watch Family Guy. I am so thankful that I have family here. Did you know that my dad, who has 12 brothers and sisters, produced 42 first cousins on his side alone? No, we’re not Mormon. The Catholic families in the Midwest were prolific procreaters, apparently. And it is only ONE out of those 42 cousins who live here in Reno. I am so thankful for Greg Strabala and his beautiful daughters. We are a cool bunch, us Strabalas. We are expert story tellers, potty humor connoisseurs and we know how to take care of our own.

Much love to all of you FB friends today. When you’re out and about, look for opportunities to impact other people with kind words, a buck or two to a homeless person, or a giant, more than 2 second hug to someone who might need it. By doing so, you are doing what I wish I could be doing instead of pumping poison into my system. Ask yourself: What Would Emily Do (WWED)? Then do that very thing. Remember my motto: Live Life, Love Life, Impact Others

Love, Using My Willpower To Get To Where I’m Supposed To Be But Don’t Want To Bewillpower

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