Day 44: February 13, 2014

Thankfulness for Ratios and Lists

List of the good:

1. I slept really well all night last night. I only had to wake up to take a nausea meds.

2. I got to relax with Marijke last night and all morning.

3. I got to hang with Oliver Ex today and talk about my story. I loved listening to his own experience with his mother’s cancer and being her caretaker. Next month also happens to be Colon Cancer Awareness month and my birthday and my own personal fundraiser toward the end of March. I have wonderful people helping to throw it together. (details TBA)

4. I got unplugged today and now I have another friend, Alecia Lint, over for a sleep over. On a school night.

5. I haven’t puked yet. Score points for me.

List of the bad:

1. I just found out that I am ineligible for both unemployment AND disability. This sucks BIG time and now I must rely on the goodwill and generosity of others to make it through the next 6-7 months so I can continue to live where I live, pay my bills and afford my copays… and and and.

AND… now I see that my list of “good” outweighs the “bad” 5 to 1. While the “bad” is a biggie, I am simply going to look forward to what good the Universe is going to bring from this when it is all over.

It’s only 6 or 7 months. That’s it. I can do it, right? Please tell me I can. I need to hear it, feel it, see it and believe it.

I am thankful that my “good” list is bigger than my “bad” list. That’s all I can say about that tonight. Tonight is a tough night to FEEL thankful, even though on paper I should be.

Love, Thankful for 5 to 1 Ratios

P.S. I am typing this p.s. an hour later. I just had a realization: I actually just knocked a chemo session off of my list! 2 down. 10 to go. THAT is really something to be thankful for. I actually have a smile on my face. How I missed that awesome thing is beyond me. I am glad to have a thankful feeling right now, not just a logical list that tells me I should be.


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