Warning: I may ramble. My sincere apologies in advance.
Today has been a roller coaster for me. Some things I will omit about some news I found out regarding financial issues, because I don’t have the full picture yet. Needless to say, I am stressed to the nines because of it and trying not to be.
I still technically have a job. I love the staff, the work I have to do, and the students. You all know that I do. I just cannot make it work this semester. Our awesome charter school needs to have a full time teacher there. Obviously, chemo was not in the plans for this year. It has been forced upon them. Decisions have to be made. Whatever is best for the staff and the students is what must be done. Trust me. I am okay with this.
My sweet dad said on the phone this morning: “I wish I could fly out there, whisk you away and make everything better for you.”
Yes, I cried when he said that. A lot. But whisking me away is not a solution. I have to face things. Like I always do. And come out a better person.
I did, however, just complete my first out of 12 rounds of chemo today. My pump has been officially unhooked!
I am thankful for that.
But how am I supposed to be thankful for this tough stuff, the stuff I cannot control but will end up somehow controlling me and my future?
I know this: That people want to help during the tough stuff. I just received offers from a couple of people to run a fundraiser for me. I am looking into charity groups to help support my chemo treatments financially. I have to believe that all of the people I know who have shown me support can help out in my tough situation.
So, now is the time for me to start learning how to be thankful for this tough financial time I will go through. I’m not sure how I will do it, but I am having to focus on the fact that I will be provided for, like I always have been. Even though I cannot see the solution yet. I have so much love around me. I just need to get through the next 6 months. That’s it. 6 months.
Tough times = growth.
And that is what I am thankful for. Growth. Which will bring more empathy from me to others who are experiencing not only cancer, but financial hardship because of it.
And now, I will use this time from being off of work to write my 3rd and hopefully final revision of my book. I need to do it. It needs to come from my heart. And my heart is torn wide open right now. I’m guessing some good writing will come from it.
My friend and fellow fighter, Missy Wimber, posted this today on her page. It inspired me to fight today, even in the middle of the tough stuff.
I am stronger than cancer. End of story.
Love, The Tough Stuff Fighter