Day 114: April 24, 2014

Thankfulness for No Worries

It’s a tough thing to set Worries aside. They are always there lingering, waiting around in the shadows of your mind and heart, tapping on your shoulder from dim alleys, annoyingly poking you for your attention… they crave the energy we give to them and they enjoy sucking us dry to gain strength. They are bottom feeders and desire to bring us down with them.

So I fight it. I fight it with all of the reminders of how things always do work out in the end, even if I don’t know what that end will look like. I simply have to trust and let go. Yes, maybe I will have to make the effort to help fix issues I’m having, but the Universe knows what I need and will lead me to the right solutions. Most of the time, when something isn’t working like I want it to, it is simply a door closing and saying “Do Not Enter” so that I can trust another door and walk through it to something I never dreamed could be so amazing.

In the meantime, I need sleep. I’ve slowly learned this time around with chemo that I have to MAKE myself lay down and let go of things. I need to heal. I can’t be the Wonder Woman that I like to look at in the mirror. I need to be okay with not answering every email, letting the phone go to voicemail, putting a virtual “do not disturb” sign around my neck, like garlic would ward off a vampire… instead I have to ward off my worries. There are more important things to attend to than to give my energy to those bottom dwelling Worries.

And so today, I got a few necessities done, had a great Reno Tahoe Tonight Show, got unhooked, visited with Kendra, received some help from her then promptly slept the day away. Worries were gone. They can be dealt with later.

Tonight? No worries. Only sleep and tending to my body which needs to fend off and get rid of my 7th round of poison. That is all I can do right now. It’s all I should be doing right now.

Because in the next day or so, I can tackle the beasts, the worries, the tasks that must be done. I need my body to sleep and set worries aside so I can live symbiotically with the things the Universe has planned for me.

You remember that phrase from The Lion King: Hakuna matata… which in Swahili really does mean “no worries”? Well, my other favorite word in Swahili is “rafiki,” which means “friend.” I am so thankful for all you Rafiki’s in my life. You, my friends, give me the comfort I need to be able to sleep with no worries. Thank you for helping, for encouraging, and for taking worries from me so that I can do what needs to be done: Fight.

Love, Your Rafiki with Hakuna Matata

P.S. Here is a link to one of my all time favorite songs for you to listen to. It’s called “Rafiki” and it rocks. Just like all of you. (Rafiki by Zap Mama) RafikiMeditating

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