Day 107: April 16, 2014

Thankfulness for Crazy
I got my ovaries removed in December.

Yes, I was happy about it. And it wasn’t just because they were each filled up with tumors.
I thought: Yay! No more periods. No more babies. Everyone should be jealous.

But today? Meh. Not so much.

I realize this may be TMI for many of you, but these Thankfulness Posts are also the way I’m documenting my journey this time around with Cancer, and I need to remember today.

Dear Wonder Woman Journal,

I experienced quite a bit of Crazy on this Hump Day. Emotions all over the place. Tourette’s moments. Crying for no reason. Anger at all the wrong things. Scatttered brained memory. My kids had NO idea what to do. They probably looked up the number for CPS themselves to have at the ready.

Gosh. I love being a woman, but sometimes I hate it too. Add all the chemo poison and drugs I have to take, and today was a perfect storm of Crazy.

But the kicker? I decided to respond to an email in the heat of the moment and felt justified and so righteous when I hit “send.”

Then immediately, I regretted it. But my pride wouldn’t let me admit it. I had to ignore the blaring neon sign of one of my favorite quotes from a friend: “The best letter ever written is the one that is never sent.” [insert text, email or FB post, too] I pretty much hated myself, which added to the Crazy.

Until I remembered the very advice I gave to a room full of adult students in a Masters of Ed class just last night: Never be afraid to apologize. A little humility can go a long ways.

So I sent this reply 15 minutes later: “I’m having email sender remorse. While some of the things I said are true, I should have not written it in such a harsh manner. I’m hoping that you can give me a quick call so I can seek to understand better before reacting from my emotions.

I should know better.

Can you give me a quick call? I promise I will be kind. (-:

Emily”

And I got the call. I asked for forgiveness. I got more information. And I was WAY wrong.

And I was forgiven. The Bridge Burner Fire was extinguished.

Good Lord. I’m thankful for the Crazy… for being a Woman. Because without it, I wouldn’t have gotten to experience such a wave of positive emotions and relief that I really needed today.

Thanks for listening, Wonder Woman Journal.  You are my Life Partner.

Love, Crazy Menopause Sweaty McSweatertear-hair-out

 

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