The Hobbit

Oh yes.  I’m well aware that many divorces aren’t amicable.  I get that, even though I’m an optimist.

If that’s the case, then why the hell would we even be doing this?  Are Devon and I just Black Plague carrying rodents running on a treadmill wheel?

I’ll tell you why: because it’s possible.  But it takes two to tango, as the adage goes.

What if one party wants life to be amicable but the other party is off their rocker?  One card short of a full deck, if you will?

I was once a psycho bitch for a nano-second or two (in dog years).  Thank the Maker that Devon kept his cool for the most part.  I will give him credit for taking quite the beating.  I’m not a small woman nor do I have a mousey voice.  There’s a reason I was a basketball player, a coach and a P.E. teacher.  I totally fit the profile of “Don’t F with this lady.  She’ll rip you a new one.”  People listen to me when I open my flip top head, dammit.

Plus, I’m no hobbit, even though my feet are as big and hairy as one.  Being tall has its advantages.   I tend to get respect because of my corn-fed Aryan heritage.

So with that, I will say that if one of you consistently keeps their cool—and I mean consistently as in it could take 2 years or more—then eventually it may all work out.  It’s called being the bigger person.  Don’t be a hobbit.

Devon, thanks for being the bigger person through your daily beatings.  You may have deserved it, but it really helped me to come around.  Now look where we are:  we just got an article published through Reuters about amicable divorces!

I also will give myself some credit.  While I vehemently expressed the feelings that swept over me many times (sometimes with a potty mouth that could rival Bobby Knight’s, including a few times after our divorce), I had a general goal to be amicable.  That has to be noteworthy.  I am proud of who I’ve become through this whole crazy Jerry Springer debacle.

I say this because I want to encourage you to stay strong by choosing a course of behavior and thinking that will potentially lead to a positive outcome.  Keep up with our blog.  We will always attempt to be supportive.

However, there are tons of other blogs out there worth reading that you will be able to relate to during your various processes.  I would like to recommend one to you right here.

Mikalee Byerman resides in our hometown of Reno, Nevada.  Not only is she an amazingly curt and humorous writer, she has had quite a journey of her own down the road of divorce and single parenting.  She’s not afraid to say it like it is.  You feel like you’re listening to Chelsea Handler and Dr. Laura all wrapped up into one.  While our experience has been antithetical to hers, it may be someone you can relate to.  If nothing else, her funny anecdotes will brighten your day.  She’s really good at taking something awful and putting a quirky spin on it.

So don’t unfollow us (I’m begging you to “like” us and post our stuff of Facebook), but add her to your list of favorite bloggers.  You won’t be sorry.

Find her here:  http://mikaleebyerman.wordpress.com/

Mikalee, you simply owe me a drink as payment for this debt I’ve created.  I’m glad to know you.  You’re no hobbit.  But, whatever.

Blessings, Emily

The Lord of the Rings is seriously my all time favorite book. I read it once a year every Christmas holiday. I believe it’s been 11 times so far.

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4 thoughts on “The Hobbit

  1. Aw shucks…I’m truly honored and humbled! I’m telling you, sometimes it’s all I can do to read your blog. It’s not that I don’t love it — because I do, I love-love-LOVE it — but if I’m being completely honest, it sometimes makes me feel like a failure. What you and Devon have is all I ever imagined and/or wanted. When I knew my marriage was over, the first thought was, “Well, at least we’ll be “that couple” — the couple that everyone wishes they could be, post-divorce. The couple who respects one another as the makers of these amazing creatures…”

    Yeah. Not so much.

    But your point is dead on: It takes two to tango. I tried for two years before I started even remotely pushing back … I sat in stunned silence when my new ex had my daughter’s hair cut to match his new girlfriend’s hair; I practiced yoga breathing when my ex signed my daughter up for cheerleading and failed to inform me his new wife was the cheer coach; I never bristled when my ex and his wife told my children I was “fat” and “awful” and “did horrible things in life.” (Um. Seriously. I’m about as close to “girl scout” as you can get without boasting a chest full of badges and hording a year’s worth of cookies in my freezer…)

    But then, I found myself COMPELLED to push back — in the only way I knew how…by writing about my experience (without using their names, of course). I had taken the high road, and in the process, I was the victim of so many hit-and-runs on that stupid lonely road. My push back also in a way gave me hope that someday, the kids would see how strong I was. Because as it was, I think I was so weak in their eyes…

    So thank you for giving voice to those who CAN do this. I wish to all that is holy that my ex had seen you two as an example, because then, … Oh, never mind. Never woulda happened. But whatever. I’m glad you and Devon are who you are and are fighting a good fight.

    Now time to schedule that drink I owe you on Devon’s OCD calendar… 😉

    • I am so glad you were the first one to comment on here. Seriously.

      What I love about the tough shit happening in life (using divorce as an example) is that in the end (usually) we turn into these amazingly strong people. Until the shit hits the fan, we don’t realize just how strong we really CAN be. I think back to the person I used to be and who I am now and am proud of myself.

      Mikalee, I hope you’re proud of yourself, too. Sounds like you are. You are an inspiration.

      We should start a talk show together. And I’m totally serious, too. We’d put Oprah to shame. Well, at least maybe Jerry. He needs to go. Devon and Felipe could be our black shirted security/bouncers on the show when the cat-fights start. That would be entertainment in and of itself! Two handsome gay dudes, going: “Hey, can’t we just all love each other and get married? Anything goes these days, haven’t you heard?”

      Anyway, St. James Infirmary, two Moscow Mules in those cool copper mugs, Monday night. I’ll even sing a hobbit drinking song for you on top of the table with my big hairy feet exposed. See you there.

      Blessings, Emily

  2. Mikalee’s a great read and I even consider her a friend. How could I not stop by and check out your blog after she so graciously shared the link on Facebook?

    My divorce six years ago was fairly amicable. Unfortunately, all the crap leading up to it was not. It’s very tricky to be civil toward each other when kids are involved and emotions are at an all-time high. Works for some of us, and for others, not so much.

    Best of luck to you!

    • Thanks, Mark! So you’re obviously someone who “gets” it. Thank you so much for stopping by and commenting. Thanks, too, for the well-wishes.

      Obviously you’re in the cool club, since you know Mikalee. I am President of that club. You can be Vice.

      Blessings, Emily

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