Day 94: April 4, 2014 2:15 a.m.

Thankfulness for the Sound of my Cat Licking Herself

Yup. You read that correctly. And yes, that sound is grodey. Especially when that is happening RIGHT by your head in the middle of a great dream.

However, without that sound, I would not find myself awake and where I am right now, on my porch, with total silence around me, looking at the stars that seem brighter when the silence of the dark is deepest.

One of my favorite memories of love, serenity, and balance came in the form of being in the most isolated place that I personally have ever been in my life. While that time involved another person that I’m no longer with, the memory is still precious to me.

Bear Valley, located at the end of one of the scariest, windiest and narrow passes in the Sierras (that I’ve experienced anyway) is at the end of Ebbetts Pass. It’s a scary thrill to get there… and it is beautiful. Wilderness seemingly untouched, I feel like an explorer seeing something undiscovered. The breath-taking heights and hugeness of those mountains is friggin’ spectacular.

But where we camped was seriously unparalleled.

Once we got to Union Reservoir, we had to load all of our gear onto our kayaks and paddle out to an island. The water is crystal clear and seriously the coldest water I have ever felt in July. As a side note, not even the bears wanted to get in the water to come out and eat us at night while we were sleeping. Thank God that water was so cold.

But the stars.

I mean, WOW. You couldn’t tell where the water ended and the night sky began. It was strangely bright, and I could see everything around me clearly, even though it was a different kind of clear. The Milky Way reflected in two different places and it was dreamy. I remember sitting there after the fire had gone out, leaning against a giant boulder, snuggling with my Love and thinking that this moment was created in time simply for me. No one else. And to think that there are so many stars that we miss seeing every night… made me think of all of the little things that we take for granted during our day and our lives in general.

Take for instance, the fact that I woke up this morning. There are very few of us in this world that actually THINK about what that means when we wake up. It’s a thing that’s there every day we are alive, yet we don’t acknowledge its existence, just like the stars that are always there every night that we don’t see. Hey, I woke up today. I got to experience feeling good, hugging my kids, driving them to birthday parties and sitting around the dinner table eating bratwursts grilled in beer with sauerkraut, laughing at stupid stuff. My healthy, smart, sensitive and considerate kids slept under one roof, peacefully all night, and we all got to wake up and experience life again for today. Together.

And other little things that are there that we don’t see or acknowledge? My fingers all work so I can speak original thought and words onto a screen for anyone to see. My mouth and vocal chords function so I can smile, laugh and place words of encouragement into my children’s hearts that they can use as fertilizer to their future lives as world movers and shakers.

What seemingly invisible things do you get to experience every day in your life that you don’t acknowledge and show thanks for?

And just like those stars that night on that cold clear water, we can reflect those things onto others by acknowledging them through thankfulness. Our very lives, by intentionally thinking about the things we don’t normally “see,” can shine bright as day in the middle of darkness… whether that be our own darkness or the darkness that others might be experiencing.

Like me. I got the Cancer. And I’m happier than I’ve ever been. Totally weird, I know. But seriously, I see the stars that no one else can see, and I’m telling you, they are amazing. And I hope, because I want to impact others in their darkness, that they see the reflection I see and describe to them. Life is beautiful and bright, even in the darkness. Finding those seemingly invisible things to acknowledge and be thankful for is the best thing you can do for yourself. It’s like sitting on the side of a clear, cold lake, snuggling with your love, seeing every single space above you and around you, filled with points of light and peace, as a moment that was created just for you.

Love, Seeing Stars


I have pictures from Union Res, but I found this on the internet and it was way better than anything I took. I believe the photographer’s name is Larry Butcher. I wanna give him credit. He really captured what it looks like.


NOT a picture I took, but it was the closest I could find that showed how every space in the night sky is filled with stars at Union Reservoir.

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